Xmas Bash!!! Update: The Return of Amanda!


We’re getting closer and closer to the 3rd Annual Xmas Bash!!! I’d like to remind you of the dates and times, because if you miss it you’ve more or less ruined Xmas. And I’d also like to give you a few ideas of what to expect when you tune in.

So, come on now, mark your calendars! All you need to do is come to this very site, the one you’re reading right now, at the following times:

Friday, December 18
8 P.M. Eastern Time

Wednesday, December 23 [encore stream]
8 P.M. Eastern Time

It’s the same stream each time, but there will be live chat available on each night, so if you tune in for both showings you’ll still have a unique experience!

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with only making it to one showing, and I am guaranteeing a great time.

For those who don’t know, the Noiseless Chatter Xmas Bash!!! is a hand-picked assortment of Xmas specials from bygone years, collected and screened for your enjoyment, riffing, and begrudging appreciation. It’s basically a chance for funny people to come together and enjoy each other’s company over a steaming cup of rightly forgotten holiday garbage.

Every year there’s a live chat room, which is where the real fun is, so make sure you log in and join the fun. And as of last year, the event benefits The Trevor Project. All donations are optional, and there’s no cost or anything to attend, but the opportunity to contribute is there, and it’s certainly appreciated if you do.

Now, a few announcements:

– My hero and yours Amanda will be returning to provide interstitial entertainment. Amanda was new to the stream last year, but she went over great and I’m very, very happy to have her back. In real life Amanda is one of the warmest, most inspiring, most all-around pleasant people I know…in the stream, she’s another story. In fact, I felt a little bad about the lines I gave her last year, because they were slightly creepy and mildly psychotic. Imagine my joy when she recorded them in a way that was even more creepy and thoroughly psychotic. This year…well, I won’t spoil anything. But now that I know what she’s capable of, I’ll be sure to take advantage of that.

– Also returning from last year: vintage commercials. Only this time I’ve drilled down and unearthed a cache of truly odd ones from some Oklahoma affiliate, and I really hope you enjoy. They’re not specifically Xmas themed this year, but the specials are (and so is something else…read on), so I think we can keep the spirit alive through more general commercial breaks. This part is a bit of an experiment, but I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t think you’d enjoy it…and they’re bizarre enough to warrant the focus. If nothing else, they’ll make you damned glad you don’t live in Oklahoma. (Unless you do, in which case: stop that.)

– …and finally (for this batch of announcements, anyway), a lot of folks have told me how much they enjoyed the smaller pieces that aired between the specials last year. These might have been excerpts from longer productions or just insane little music videos I refused to let rest in peace, but you guys liked them and I enjoyed the way they kept the pace up, so: more music this year! Two holiday non-classic music videos will air during every break between specials, and I couldn’t be happier to share some of this stuff with you. I hope you hate it in the best way. (Actually, I cleverly included one song that I genuinely enjoy. See if you can identify it and make me lose all credibility!)

That’s all for now. I will have some more fun stuff to announce in the meantime.

Are you excited?

I’m absolutely pumped. The Xmas Bash!!! gets better every year, and I hope you enjoy. I do it all for you!

Announcing: The Noiseless Chatter 3rd Annual Xmas Bash!!!

The Noiseless Chatter Xmas Bash!!!

Hohohohohohoho!! I hope you are eating Thanksgiving foods, because it’s time to talk about Xmas! Specifically, The Third Annual Noiseless Chatter Xmas Bash!!!

For those who don’t know, the Xmas Bash!!! is pretty much the only reason anyone looks forward to the holidays. For the third year in a row I will be hand-picking an assortment of terrible, terrible, really, truly terrible Xmas specials, songs, and other curios from the annals of pop culture history. And we’ll watch them live, together, making fun of them and keeping each other sane in real time.

Honestly, it’s great. It’s like being at an Xmas party without having to put on pants, and the people there are actually really nice and they’re not wearing pants, either.

And once again, donations will be accepted for The Trevor Project, providing counseling and suicide prevention services for LGTBQ youths. It’s an important charity to me, and if you can spare anything at all to help those who need such support the most, I’d appreciate it deeply.

All you need to do is come here on the nights in question, and you should see the video player ready to go. Tune in…and make a point of joining the chat room. Lots of you guys are hilarious, and I’ll be drunk.

The dates and times are as follows:

Friday, December 18
8 P.M. Eastern Time

Wednesday, December 23 [encore stream]
8 P.M. Eastern Time

Yes, by popular demand I will be hosting the event two nights this year. It’ll be the same stream each time, but obviously the live chat will be different each night, so if you decide to tune in twice, great! Hopefully this will be more convenient for people who weren’t able to tune in last year.

The content itself is family friendly, so if you’d like to watch a string of cheesy Xmas specials on the big screen, you won’t have to worry about your Cousin Joey having nightmares for a week. The chatroom is uncensored, however, so be warned: someone may joke about farts.

There’s no way I could possibly oversell this fact: this is going to be the best Xmas Bash!!! yet. I’ve been dredging up specials over the course of the past few months, and they’re incredible. It’ll be a batch of seven, and you won’t be able to forget any of them, no matter how hard you try!

Why seven? Well, the first year our party got shut down by the anti-Xmas Bash!!! po-po, even though the stream wasn’t over. That meant that only seven specials were screened…but that was actually a pretty cool number, so I picked another seven last year. It’s tradition! AN XMAS TRADITION

What will you see when you tune in? I don’t want to spoil any surprises, but I do like to make lists of things, so here’s everything we watched at the previous two events. Hopefully this will make you really upset if you missed either of them. Oh, and it might give you some idea of what to expect this year.

The First Annual Noiseless Chatter Xmas Bash!

  • ALF, “Oh, Tannerbaum”
  • Lassie, “The Christmas Story”
  • Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, “Sabrina Claus”
  • Major Dad, “The Gift of the Major”
  • Charles in Charge, “Home for the Holidays”
  • Lost in Space, “Return From Outer Space”
  • Family Ties, “A Keaton Christmas Carol”

The Second Annual Noiseless Chatter Xmas Bash!!

  • ALF, “ALF’s Special Christmas”
  • The Fat Albert Christmas Special
  • Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers, “Alpha’s Magical Christmas”
  • Christmas Comes to Pac-Land
  • The Partridge Family, “Don’t Bring Your Guns to Town, Santa”
  • Santa’s Magic Toy Bag
  • Nestor the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey

This year I think we’ll have the best balance of well-intentioned garbage and out-and-out crap yet. And nothing, I promise, is as unwatchable as Santa’s Magic Toy Bag. Seriously, what an irredeemable pile of shit that was.

Anyway, tune in! You’ll see more reminders in the weeks to come, but I wanted to get you the dates and times as soon as I could, so that you could tell your loved ones that you’ll be unavailable to speak with them.

If you have any last-minute requests, demands, or threats, get them in now.

The Third Annual Noiseless Chatter Xmas Bash!!! I’ll see you there!

Gone Jackpottin’


Before I leave on vacation I like to post a little “Behave yourselves!” notice. Not that you don’t…it’s just that I won’t be around for a week to monitor posts, so try not to get angry at each other. If you do get mad at someone, track them down in real life and beat them up so we can keep Noiseless Chatter civil!

Also, if you notice any spam while I’m gone, trust me; I’ll clean it up the moment I get back. Don’t respond to it, please, because that makes it more difficult to delete after the fact.

So far, so similar-to-every-vacation-message-I’ve-ever-posted.

But that changes here! Because I’m not going to apologize for the lack of content; I’ve got loads of stuff locked and loaded, so stick around and enjoy! That includes new ALF reviews and the conclusion to Trilogy of Terror on Halloween, with a look at The World’s End.

It also includes Arts in Entertainment author spotlights, so check those out, and please pledge to make this series a reality and get copies of these books for yourself. The Kickstarter is right here, and we still have a long way to go. Every single dollar helps, but for just a little bit more you can make out with a book or two as well. Thank you to everyone who has pledged…please help us make this a reality. Time is running out!

Speaking of Arts in Entertainment, we’ve added a potential seventh title as a stretch goal: journalist, game reviewer, and all-around great man Cody Muzio will be writing about the legendary SNES port of Street Fighter II. The best part: if we hit the stretch goal, everyone who pledges for the full-series subscription ($35 or above) will receive this book as well; they won’t pay anything more for the seventh book. It’s a way to make a great deal even better.

You can read more about that title on the Kickstarter page, and pledge as well. Remember, you don’t get charged a dime unless we are fully funded, and not until November 15 at the soonest. So if you’re waiting for payday…don’t! Pledge what you can to help the series come to life, and you won’t be charged until and unless it does.

And, finally, my destination: sunny, silvery, gaudy Las Vegas! If I hit it big, rest assured I’ll pull down the Kickstarter and finance the thing myself. Of course, I only allow myself one pull on the nickel slots, so let’s not bank on that, exactly.

One of the things I’ll be doing in Vegas is shooting host segments for this year’s third-annual Xmas Bash!!! Stay tuned for more details on that; we’ll be picking dates and times soon.

Once again, you’ll have an opportunity to donate directly to The Trevor Project. Once again, it won’t be mandatory, but I hope you’ll consider doing so. It’s a charity that’s dear to my heart, and if we can turn a night of hilariously bad television and brilliantly funny commentary into something positive for an organization that does so much for those who feel like they have nowhere else to turn…well, frankly, that would mean the world to me.

So I’ll be back, little ones. And you’ll be missed. Enjoy the place while I’m away, and replace any of the booze you drank with tap water. I’ll never notice!

Have Your Say: 3rd Annual Xmas Bash!!

A Very Fabiola XmasWell, it’s the middle of June, which means everyone’s thoughts are turned to the holiday season. Or maybe I’m just insane.

Either way, I’ve been working on some ideas for this coming year’s Xmas Bash!!, which is bound to be a good thing, as it means I won’t go nuts trying to slap something together in the hours before the stream is supposed to go live.

With this much time to plan, I figured I’d open it up to viewer feedback.

For those of you who haven’t attended either of the past events, the Noiseless Chatter Xmas Bash!! is a live-streamed charity event. The main feature is a surprise assortment of horrible (horrible…) Xmas specials that I’ve unearthed for the sole purpose of making you hate television. There are host segments, music, and other goodies throughout. Last year I added some vintage toy commercials to the mix, and opened up donations to The Trevor Project as well. Oh, and, through it all, there’s a chatroom, which I think it’s safe to say ends up being more entertaining than all of the specials combined.

This year, I’d like to make it even better. I have a few ideas of my own (which won’t be spoiler’d in this post), but I want to hear from you, the folks who will actually be attending. And, hopefully, some of the folks who haven’t attended.

In a comment below, let me know the following:

  1. Any features of the stream (either year) that you really liked or disliked.
  2. How you feel about the length of the stream. Should it be longer? Shorter?
  3. I’m thinking of hosting the stream the weekend before Xmas this year (Dec 18-20, somewhere in there). Thoughts?
  4. How you would feel about an “encore showing.” It’d allow more people to attend, but it’d also split the viewership. Does that diminish its status as an Event?
  5. Last year we had a few outside contributors, performing music, magic tricks, and more. Is this a tradition you’d like me to keep up?
  6. And pretty much any other thoughts for improvements.

If you’d prefer, for any reason, that your response not be public, drop me an email at reed.philipj at gmail dot com.

Your feedback is strongly appreciated, and thanks again for making these past two years such an awesome success. Judging by the specials I’ve dug up for this year, I think we’ve all got great, great, terrible things to look forward to together.

I’ll see you there!

Merry Christmas, friends!

Merry Christmas, friends

I hope everyone out there is having a great Christmas. If you don’t celebrate Christmas, then I hope you’re having a great Thursday.

Last night’s stream was great…I’m going to post some wrap-up thoughts on it within the next few days most likely, but I want to thank everyone who joined the chat, everyone who viewed the stream embedded here (which seemed to be a surprisingly high number…I’ll discuss that later, though), and, especially, everybody who gave to The Trevor Project.

Having it on Christmas Eve prevented a lot of folks from making it out, though. My bad, and admittedly poor planning. However, the fundraising page will be open until Sunday, the 28th, so here’s a little extra:

If you donate any amount at all before Sunday, I’ll send you a download link for the entire Xmas stream. All five hours of Christmas specials, music, magic, and more.

Just donate and then contact me at this address and I’ll shoot you the link. No minimum or maximum donation limits, and whatever you give, it’s for a good cause.

If you donate anonymously, be sure to attach the receipt (or take a screenshot of the thank-you page) so that I know who you are.

Anyway, that’s all for now. Thanks for helping to make this a great year, and thanks for being the best audience I’ve ever had.

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