If you are reading this, it’s because I have lost my battle with my demons. It has been a very long battle. It was not a pleasant one. It was not a battle that was satisfying. It was a battle that I was doomed to lose at some point. I’ve said before that I need to win the fight against my demons every single day, but my demons only need to win it once.
They came very close a few times in the past. Eventually, I got worn down enough that they won. I’m sorry. If it’s any consolation, I tried. I tried very, very hard for a very, very long time.
I cannot thank all of you enough. For all of my misfortune to have had to deal with mental health problems and neurological issues for so long, I’ve always been exceptionally fortunate — beyond all reason or explanation — to have a better audience than I’ve ever deserved. I’ve also consistently had better friends than I ever deserved. In a lot of ways, I’ve been very lucky.
But I am so tired. I am so drained. I have fought every day of my life to keep my head above water. The water keeps rising. It rises more quickly now than it did before, and for years it has seemed as though it does not stop.
That is not an excuse. I have failed. That is the bottom line. I have failed. I wish all of you greater strength than I have had. I sincerely wish all of you the best.
I want to thank you. Thank you for reading. Thank you for caring. May you each find what you need.
I don’t know how long the site will stay up. I believe that it is paid for through the end of the year. If there is anything here that you would like to keep, take it. I wish I were able to leave it with you in better shape than it is.
Thank you again. Be stronger, be better, and above all please be good to yourselves.