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Announcing: The Noiseless Chatter 3rd Annual Xmas Bash!!!

November 23rd, 2015 | Posted by Philip J Reed in xmas bash

The Noiseless Chatter Xmas Bash!!!

Hohohohohohoho!! I hope you are eating Thanksgiving foods, because it’s time to talk about Xmas! Specifically, The Third Annual Noiseless Chatter Xmas Bash!!!

For those who don’t know, the Xmas Bash!!! is pretty much the only reason anyone looks forward to the holidays. For the third year in a row I will be hand-picking an assortment of terrible, terrible, really, truly terrible Xmas specials, songs, and other curios from the annals of pop culture history. And we’ll watch them live, together, making fun of them and keeping each other sane in real time.

Honestly, it’s great. It’s like being at an Xmas party without having to put on pants, and the people there are actually really nice and they’re not wearing pants, either.

And once again, donations will be accepted for The Trevor Project, providing counseling and suicide prevention services for LGTBQ youths. It’s an important charity to me, and if you can spare anything at all to help those who need such support the most, I’d appreciate it deeply.

All you need to do is come here on the nights in question, and you should see the video player ready to go. Tune in…and make a point of joining the chat room. Lots of you guys are hilarious, and I’ll be drunk.

The dates and times are as follows:

Friday, December 18
8 P.M. Eastern Time

Wednesday, December 23 [encore stream]
8 P.M. Eastern Time

Yes, by popular demand I will be hosting the event two nights this year. It’ll be the same stream each time, but obviously the live chat will be different each night, so if you decide to tune in twice, great! Hopefully this will be more convenient for people who weren’t able to tune in last year.

The content itself is family friendly, so if you’d like to watch a string of cheesy Xmas specials on the big screen, you won’t have to worry about your Cousin Joey having nightmares for a week. The chatroom is uncensored, however, so be warned: someone may joke about farts.

There’s no way I could possibly oversell this fact: this is going to be the best Xmas Bash!!! yet. I’ve been dredging up specials over the course of the past few months, and they’re incredible. It’ll be a batch of seven, and you won’t be able to forget any of them, no matter how hard you try!

Why seven? Well, the first year our party got shut down by the anti-Xmas Bash!!! po-po, even though the stream wasn’t over. That meant that only seven specials were screened…but that was actually a pretty cool number, so I picked another seven last year. It’s tradition! AN XMAS TRADITION

What will you see when you tune in? I don’t want to spoil any surprises, but I do like to make lists of things, so here’s everything we watched at the previous two events. Hopefully this will make you really upset if you missed either of them. Oh, and it might give you some idea of what to expect this year.

The First Annual Noiseless Chatter Xmas Bash!

  • ALF, “Oh, Tannerbaum”
  • Lassie, “The Christmas Story”
  • Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, “Sabrina Claus”
  • Major Dad, “The Gift of the Major”
  • Charles in Charge, “Home for the Holidays”
  • Lost in Space, “Return From Outer Space”
  • Family Ties, “A Keaton Christmas Carol”

The Second Annual Noiseless Chatter Xmas Bash!!

  • ALF, “ALF’s Special Christmas”
  • The Fat Albert Christmas Special
  • Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers, “Alpha’s Magical Christmas”
  • Christmas Comes to Pac-Land
  • The Partridge Family, “Don’t Bring Your Guns to Town, Santa”
  • Santa’s Magic Toy Bag
  • Nestor the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey

This year I think we’ll have the best balance of well-intentioned garbage and out-and-out crap yet. And nothing, I promise, is as unwatchable as Santa’s Magic Toy Bag. Seriously, what an irredeemable pile of shit that was.

Anyway, tune in! You’ll see more reminders in the weeks to come, but I wanted to get you the dates and times as soon as I could, so that you could tell your loved ones that you’ll be unavailable to speak with them.

If you have any last-minute requests, demands, or threats, get them in now.

The Third Annual Noiseless Chatter Xmas Bash!!! I’ll see you there!

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17 Responses

  • RaikoLives says:

    “And nothing, I promise, is as unwatchable as Santa’s Magic Toy Bag.”

    To this I say (a loving) FUCK YOU! “Alpha’s Magical Christmas” was BY FAR the WORST THING I have EVER seen. HALF A FUCKING HOUR of X-Mas carols (all the worst, god-awful religiousy ones especially) and the Power Rangers only turned up at the end? And it was only THREE OF THEM! (Granted, you can get a worse trio than Billy, Kimberly and Tommy, but c’mon!) I can tell you, even Fusco forcing us to look at his sack for (god how long was it… 45 minutes?) wasn’t as bad as those DAMN KIDS SINGING WITH THAT DAMN ROBOT!

    But the interludes/commercials were FANTASTIC! The Bowie/Crosby sing-off was great, even if it didn’t QUITE get to knives (though both men were thinking it, you could totally tell). Don’t be letting us down on the presentation/sketches Phil, or we might… Fuck, I dunno… close the window loudly?

    Just hoping those times suit my schedule (which I don’t know yet). Being Australian, both of those are at midday the following day for me, so we’ll see how we go. Thanks for the update!

    • I’d apologize for Alphas Magical Christmas but I don’t think anyone short of Jesus could offer a sufficient apology for that pile of garbage.

    • Philip J Reed says:

      Samuel was indeed the one who “donated” that classic to the stream, so feel free to beat the living shit out of him at any point! But, before you do, remember that he actually had to watch that as a little kid when everybody else was watching Charlie Brown. See? Now I bet you just want to hug him.

      My favorite thing about that special was just how venomous it made everybody. I remember laughing a lot reading the comments during that one, especially when somebody observed that according to the episode, Jesus was the son of God in Power Rangers canon. Granted, that was easily one of the tamest things said, but it’s hilarious to me for at least ten thousand reasons.

      So, yeah, I loved that one just for the fiery complaints it sparked in the chatroom, but you’ll be glad to know that I resisted the urge to include excerpts from it in this year’s stream…

  • F-DEP says:

    I’m a little disappointed that we are not watching one of the all-time greatest x-mas special in the galaxy. It was so great that is was only aired once. I would have thought, in homage to JJ and George, you would have put it on you list this year. Yes, Phil I did watch the original airing of the Star Wars Christmas special and would love everyone to suffer through it as well. Let me put it this way it was so disappointing that it would be like asking for Santa for Star Wars Legos and getting the equivalent Dollar Store version “Wars in the Stars” building blocks. Did you know there are lyrics to the Star Wars Theme Song? Did you know Chewbacca has a son and wife? And what happened to the “Beards for Kids” Charity we started? Do you know how many children go without beards every year? Put down FO4 for one minute and get with the program. For Gods sake Phil what is x-mas with out having a half human half mammal to share your egg-nogg. Serenity Now!! You have me so worked up I just going to set up my pole and practice my feats of strength.

    • Philip J Reed says:

      We actually streamed a segment of the Star Wars Holiday Special last year. As RaikoLives alludes to above, excerpts from some longer specials are sprinkled throughout.

      As far as airing the complete Star Wars Holiday Special…well, I’ll keep my mouth shut about whether or not that will happen. The question is: am I evil enough to force people to sit through that?

      The only thing I will say conclusively is that I’m nowhere near evil enough to stream Rich Little’s A Christmas Carol. So, yes, in my mind, that piece of shit is worse than watching Chewbacca’s dad loudly masturbate on Life Day.

      • RaikoLives says:

        Doesn’t airing the Holiday Special in full cause George Lucas to crash in through your wall like the Kool Aid Man to try to halt the show? And if the rest is as awful as those lightsaber microphones last year, it’ll be amazing.

    • Sin says:

      The Star Wars Xmas special is the most painful thing to sit through. I don’t think I could do it again.

  • Jerod says:

    Nothing will ever beat the Lassie episode, but as long as SOMEONE’S dog dies this Christmas I’ll be happy.

    • Philip J Reed says:

      Lassie was a spoil of riches. It had dead dogs AND Mexican Grandpa!

      That one really was a riot. I had no idea what to expect from that episode. I don’t think anyone did, and it ended up being one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.

      There’s one special this year that I think MIGHT approach Lassie for sheer emotional craziness, but I agree that I don’t think anything can top that one.

  • Ridley says:

    We Wish You A Turtle Christmas?

  • Olivia says:

    We will have to tune in just on the sheer hope that Charles in Charge may reappear. It’s our NYE tradition to watch CiC

  • Philip J Reed says:

    I know I said the chat wasn’t censored, but I think I just had a memory of profanity being automatically ****’d out by the chat client last year.

    So…maybe somebody else can confirm for sure, but I think chat may well have its more obvious cursewords censored, at least. Just putting that out there for anyone with such concerns.



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