Urgent: A lost episode of ALF has been discovered!

This is not a drill, a joke, or a trick. I have in my possession a complete and very real script for a never-produced episode of ALF.

This is what I was referring to last week. I didn’t want to promise anything until I actually held the script in my hands. Any number of things could have gone wrong. The post office could have eaten it. The script could have been incomplete. The whole thing could have been a hoax.

But here I am, with 30 minutes’ worth of never-seen ALF in my grubby little hands. It’s called “Home Sweet Home” and I’m dying to tell you all about it…but that will have to wait.

This is a piece of television history that was almost lost to the ages. Granted, it’s a small piece of something nobody likes, but still. It’s something.

And it’s a hell of a damn find. In July I reviewed the ALF Sega Master System game, and I was pretty certain that was the last ALF project to warrant coverage. I even ended that review by saying, “Tune in next year when I review the fuckin’ paper plates.”

But now, I have this.

I am going to cover it in July for this year’s ALF review. That is to be expected, I’m sure, and I’m thrilled to be able to share this with the world for the very first time.

However, I’ll need your help in terms of how to present it. In every other case, you could watch the episode or play the game or whatever yourself, and then read what I have to say about it. In this case, that’s not possible. I have the script and you don’t. That’s a problem.

The easiest solution would be to scan the whole thing and post a .pdf, but I don’t own the rights to “Home Sweet Home” and have no intention of distributing somebody’s script without permission.

Fair Use, however, allows for transformative works. That’s why I’ve never had any qualms about using screen grabs and quotes in my reviews; they’re being presented in a transformative context that does not rob the episodes of their own identities. The reviews exist in a space that doesn’t overlap the value of the episodes.

All of which is to say, there are a number of ways I could go with this. The script could be illustrated, storyboarded, animated, acted as a radio play…anything, really. I want people to be able to enjoy it, so please let me know how you would like to see “Home Sweet Home” presented, and I’ll do my best to give you something worth coming back for.

Share your thoughts, either below or otherwise. I’m all ears, and we have a few months to do this right.

We’re making history, here, people.

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11 thoughts on “Urgent: A lost episode of ALF has been discovered!”

  1. Radio play was my first thought as I read the post, though I’m sure pulling it together will be quite the ordeal. I look forward to whatever happens.

  2. I think the obvious answer is “Puppet show. Only with a live actor playing ALF.”

    I mean, assuming that “amusement park dark ride” is outside the budget.

    (But actually radio drama)

  3. Whatever works best for each piece you need to show us? As a script for television, there’ll be both visual aspects and audio cues, so both a storyboard/comic and radio play will only be part of the piece. Just isolate whatever scenes you need to, in order to truly demonstrate the heinous nature of said script, and use which ever method will best describe the worst crimes against nature? I don’t think a radio play would have done “Lynne gets facial from Alf” justice, but no comic can truly get across the loathing Kate felt towards the puppet that kept trying to have it’s way with her. And Lynne. And Brian.

    Crowd-sourcing voices? I’d have to buy a microphone… But I’m sure people with talent (and also a mic) would be available?

  4. I vote interpretive Japanese butoh dance performance. But seriously, I’m cool with whatever you come up with, though my preference would be for something with a visual element. It is a script intended for television, after all.

    Also, how in the world did you discover a lost episode of ALF???

  5. I join those voting for radio-play.

    My alternative choice would be trying to give Seth Green a call and get him to re-create it Robot Chicken style.

    Or shadow puppets. Those are good too. Willie’s shadow puppet would just be a middle finger pointed vaguely in the direction of Paul Fusco.

  6. I was joking about a dark ride, but damn if I am not totally imagining a series of small shoebox dioramas storyboarding an episode of an ’80s sitcom now.

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